Sometime ago I did a blog about things that you can learn about being a stroke survivor from Star Wars movies. I decided that I would have a go at another movie franchise - The Harry Potter movies. I have recently met an in inspiring individual who has suffered a traumatic brain injury rather than an acquired brain injury (isn’t that a rubbish name, but it is in common use). These things are equally valid for any survivor of a brain injury.
1. “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” ― Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
This is all about reminding us to not focus on the past, or even the future that could have been, but to live in the moment and to appreciate what we have. As a stroke survivor I measure time as before and after stroke. The stroke is a defining moment in our lives and we shouldn’t dwell in the past or what might have been. We need to appreciate the past and start with our new post stroke beginning.
2. "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." – Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
A stroke is a devastating event in our lives and at times when life seems impossible or too tough to cope with, we should remember the good and positive things that surround us.
3. “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” – Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
As a stroke survivor I am well aware of the disabilities that I struggle with every day. It is not these weaknesses that make me who I am but it is the choices in how I respond to them that defines me. I make choices in life that make me a “better” person sometimes those choices are difficult but I believe we are who we choose to become.
4. “Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more: believing in yourself." – Harry Potter; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
One thing I have known is that stroke survivors are one of the hardest working groups of individuals you will ever meet. Even simple tasks take a stroke survivor 5 times the effort (either physical or cognitive) to undertake than a non-stroke survivor. Think about that for a minute. How does a stroke survivor thrive with this to face? The answer is that they believe in themselves. When a stroke survivor is struggling it is not only about their capabilities it is sometimes that their belief in themselves is slipping. Simply telling a survivor to pull yourself together is not going to work. Think about their struggles and appreciate how far they have come to get to this point. Then you will be in awe of all stroke survivors.
5. “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals” – Sirius Black; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
This could also be written; do unto others, as you would want them to do unto you. Since my stroke I have experienced discrimination and people who have been rude to me. The vast majority of people have been wonderful and have lifted me up so many times. However, there are people that are rude to me or treat me as stupid. I don’t like the word “inferiors” in this quote, as I fundamentally believe that we are all equal in life. However, it is how we treat the uniquely abled that shows the kind of person we are. I don’t know why people have chosen to treat me badly (they may have their own personal battles) but I fail to see how treating someone badly will make their lives better.
6. “Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it." –Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”. This quote is so misguided and the Dumbledore’s quote is so much better. Words can hurt so much; every word we say has an impact, no matter how big or small. I was once asked how can I run long distances but I am too tired to work. The person did not understand the difference between physical effort and mental effort. My main disabilities are cognitive. The comments did upset me as I was doing all I could to return to work but NOT ALL DISABILITIES ARE VISIBLE. I am sure there are people out there who thought I was lazing at home for 11 months rather than working. It was not and I was definitely trying my hardest to return to work.
7. “I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me” – Harry Potter; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
I am not sure why I chose this quote but having a stroke it does feel that every setback on the long journey back feels like a personal attack. If there is trouble it will somehow find me.
8. “I am what I am an’ I’m not ashamed" – Rubeus Hagrid; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
I am a stroke survivor and whilst I would have done anything for this not to happen, I am totally proud of being a stroke survivor. I have done so many things because of this that I never would have done. I have ran the London Marathon, I have raised over £8000 for my stroke charity, I have spoken in public about being a survivor, I have been featured in Runners World and I have even been on a massive poster in Tesco’s across the country for the British Heart Foundation. It is fine for stroke survivors to have regret about what has happened to them but as a group we need to celebrate our successes however small and never be ashamed.
9. “We can’t change our past, but we can change our future” – Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
It is true that our past shapes us as people, but it doesn’t have to shape the course of our lives. As I said earlier I measure my time as pre and post stroke. I cannot change what happened to me but by being positive (some days that is easier than others) I can change my future. I choose to be positive whenever I can. It sounds easy, but trust me when I am having a bad cognitive day the thought of being positive is far from my mind. It’s difficult to explain to people how difficult that can be. Sometimes when I run I struggle cognitively so people who run me can see the physical impact on me of this disability. On bad days I cannot even think properly so even simple tasks I get wrong. Trust me know matter how many times you say you do things like that, you don’t do it because you are not capable of getting it right, you do it because you are forgetful. I seem to have drifted off the topic. The important thing is that the future is there in front of me and when I can I will be a positive person.
10. “Thoughts could leave deeper scars than almost anything else.” – Ron Weasley; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
It is a fact that over a third of all stroke survivors suffer with depression post stroke. The percentage is a lot higher for younger survivors. This shouldn’t be a surprise after all a stroke no matter how bad is a massive thing in our lives. There is the realisation that you could have died, the fact that there is a greater risk of dying and that you have to deal with disabilities. Our mind, emotions and our thoughts can cause us more pain than any physical experience ever could. Having struggled with depression over the last four years it is something that is a big part of my life. Yes to the outside I am the same cheerful person I always have been but I do have down days. Fortunately these are infrequent now but remember how much a smile can hide.
11. “The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed.” - Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
My stroke has taught me lots of things. The one thing I don’t know is what the future holds for me. So it is important for me to live my life in the here and now remembering that I am fallible and broken but know that I have a good life.
12. “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” – Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
I am not afraid to say I am a stroke survivor by avoiding a word gives that word or feeling more power over you. I have always described my stroke as something personal within me that’s trying to kill me. I am not scared of it and I will talk about it so telling people that I have had a stroke is not a problem to me. If when I tell people about my stroke and they make judgements about me then that is their problem not mine.
13. “It is important, to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then could evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated.” – Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
I would substitute the word evil with the word stroke. The message here is that I have to keep fighting against whatever challenges the stroke puts in my path. People who know me will recognise this in me. I have never given up in this fight against my stroke. There are days when my stroke is winning and those are hard days. It does get me down when I have bad cognitive days, as there appears to be no rhyme or reason why it happens. Every single day I face a cognitive struggle. If you think I am fine it is only because I am fighting hard to be “normal”. If you don’t notice this struggle then it’s because I am winning that day. Very few of you will see the impact and the effort that this takes. When I have fought the hardest I know that by the evening I will be wiped out and will need to rest.
14. “Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” – Albus Dumbledore; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
This is a very profound quote. If you don't understand what or why something has happened, it is easy to think everything will be better and this will remain at the forefront of your mind because you can't let it go. I remember in the first weeks after my stroke there were two things I used to do as soon as I woke up. The first thing was I held a finger up in front of my face to see if my blindness had improved (it never did) and I tried to count backwards from 20 to 1 (this did get better but only because I did it so often – when I tried counting down from 40 to 20 I was as bad as I originally was). I did not really understand the problems I had. When I was told by the eye clinic that my blindness was permanent I had no choice but to accept this. Whilst this did not lead to recovering my sight it meant that that could move on and deal with the issues it was causing. This is recovery. The cognitive issues are still a major issue for me and whilst I am told that recovery is still possible I have accepted that this is a long way away or may never happen. I now have strategies for dealing with cognitive problems again this is recovery by another name.
15. “No good sittin’ worryin’ abou’ it. What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does.” – Rubeus Hagrid; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
The future will happen, but there’s no point in wasting away fearing it. Don’t torture yourself with worry, enjoy life, and live in the moment. Fearing the future will just ruin what you have in the present. There will be things in the future you will worry about; it’s human nature. The important thing is try not to let it dominate your life.
16. "Hey! My eyes aren't 'glistening with the ghosts of my past'!" – Harry Potter; Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Stroke survivors have gone through so much you cannot blame us for reflecting on our pre stroke selves. This quote reminds me that there is so much from the past that I miss. It also shows that we have come through these trials and that we needn’t be sad about them. My eyes are glistening with the hope of my future and that those tears are tears of joy.