The next few days were both good and bad. Â The good was that both children came home to see me. Â They were not originally planning to come back but they both wanted to see me. Â It was quite emotional for me as I was supposed to be the strong one of the family and here I was the weakest one. Â I can't really describe fully how happy I was to see them but it was fantastic. Â Even though Bethany could only stay a short time it was just so nice to spend time with her.
We didn't tell the children much about the stroke other than I had temporarily lost part of my eyesight and I was having a few problems with words. Â Both of them had dissertations and exams to worry about so Stephanie and I agreed it was thing to do. Â I took the same approach with my parents who are both in their eighties. Â I didn't want to worry them too much.
My elder sister Cathy was great and phoned me regularly just to see how I was getting on. Â I am sure she was worried but she is so calm and reassuring it helped me a lot.
I was also inundated with cards and presents from all over the place, I don't think I have ever received so many cards. Â It was lovely to read what people had said and it did help so much.
We are very fortunate to have so many good friends. Â I regularly got messages from many people, particularly Diana and Kathy. Â They were great as they always cheered me up.
The title of today's blog is realisation as during this time I started to learn about the problems I would be facing. Â I had the speech therapist come to see me and she went through a number of tests around speech and working memory. Â Although I did well at some tests I did very badly at others. Â The one I can recall was that she read me a story and I had to explain what was going on. Â I could not understand at all. Â She read it again and once more it was not making any sense. Â I found this very upsetting and that was the first time I appreciated there was more wrong than I thought. Â Its hard to explain what was happening in my mind. Â I was trying hard to think about what was happening but my head just filled up with nothing and my mind went really fuzzy. Â It was just too difficult.
There were also some mathematical problems that were quite straightforward but i struggled with them. Â This was more apparent if the problem was put into more real life situations with multiple steps. ie a man has 8 apples and gives away a half of them but someone returned half of his etc. Â I got them all right but it took a long time. Â The frustrating thing about this was that this was recorded as good. Â In fact the therapist said I had done the best that she had seen. AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! With total respect to her she doesn't know me and the majority of her clients are a lot older than me. Â I am an a Mathematics graduate and have been in accountancy and finance for 32 years, these type of questions I could do instantly before my stroke. Â For doing so well there was no recognition of what I felt about my performance.
The whole experience was exhausting and I felt very low. Â Although I didn't know at the time this was the first real sign of depression that I was experiencing.
The problem with not understanding stories made something I had experienced make sense. Â I watched the first Hunger Games movie and I could not really understanding what was happening and I did not enjoy it at all. Â I can remember things that happened but not why, nor could I set it in context to the rest of the film. Â Some might say that this is a problem with the Hunger Games movies. Â Interestingly I had no problem with films I had seen before and particularly Disney movies. Â I guess that was my level at the moment.
I will sign off for now as I have tired myself out.