I have posted before about running after my stroke and I also posted extensively about running the London Marathon. This post is a more general one about what it is like for me and how much I have benefitted from running since my stroke.
If you have read my blog before or if you know me personally you will know that I had my stroke after sprinting to the finish line of a trail 10km race. I also had a TIA (mini stroke) after another sprint finish at a different race. So for me my love of running is a complex issue. I love the feeling of running but I always have in the back of my mind that there is a risk of a further stroke. Whilst I am now under a lot less stress and I am on medication to help this was the situation when I had my TIA. This means that my fear of a further stroke is not far from my mind.
The finishing line at Ickworth Park 10k not long afterwards I had a stroke
There are a number of practical issues I face when I run:
Vision
I have lost about 40% of my left vision field and this means I can see nothing coming from my left. This vision loss also means I see nothing down low. People often think that this is a problem with my left eye but this is incorrect. The loss of vision results from damage to the part of the brain that processes vision. Both my eyes work perfectly but by brain cannot process what my eyes see. It is like an old film negative with 40% of the negative missing. so I am totally missing that part of my eyesight.
When I am running I have a constant fear of tripping over and bumping into things on my left. There is also the danger that a car or bike will appear suddenly. I have to plan my routes carefully to reduce the risk of paths or house drives on my left. I have had a number of near misses with dogs off leads as they are down low and if they disappear from my vision field I have to stop as I might trip over them; hurting myself and the dog.
I do from time to time have a guide runner and a tether rope between us. This is helpful particularly in a race or other places where there are people around. I think it is more about giving other people notice that I am sight impaired. I don't particularly like advertising my impairment but it is a lot safer for both me and other people. It is amazing how quickly people move aside when they see the guide tether. Conversely there have been a number of times when a runner will try and force their way between us only to be blocked by the rope and a sharp word from my guide - I can't see this happening as it is on my blind side!!
Cognitive problems
This is the problem that causes me most issues. This was again caused by my stroke and damage to the thalamus (a tiny bit of the brain just above the brain stem). I will quite often have days where I am fuzzy. It is difficult to describe the feeling but it is as if my brain suddenly becomes full and I can no longer think properly. This happens just as much in a day when I am not running as when I am running. When I am running the impact can be quite dramatic; it sounds as if I am struggling to breathe (I am not) I also can start talking rubbish in an unintelligible language. I can be aware of it starting and I will slow down in an attempt to stop it happening but sometimes that doesn't work. I know that for people running with me it can be quite disturbing and I think it does scare people. People naturally do the right thing which is to slow me down until I am better.
It is an unusual phenomenon and I can't predict it. I do know that running up hills can cause it, running fast, trail running or on uneven paths are all triggers. I think if I have to concentrate hard during a run then this is probably the most common cause. It is not always the case that I will suffer this problem. I recently ran my second fastest 5km time ever and this was in the dark and I had no problems at all.
Confusion
Although this is connected to the cognitive problems, I can get very confused whilst running. This can manifest itself in a number of ways. I have run in front of cars on a number of occasions. I have been fortunate so far. I recently ran across a road without looking and I was halfway across before I realised. I also will wander off course and end up running in the grass at the side of the path.
Confidence
I do lack confidence in my running now. I get particularly worried about having cognitive problems. These can happen suddenly and for no particular reason. I do remember a race when I had hardly run 0.5km and I was in trouble. This is part of the frustration and the uncertainty makes me lose my confidence.
I am sure you are all wondering why I still run after all it was part of the reason for my stroke and it is not easy for me to do it anymore. There are two main reasons for me doing this:
Running has been a way for me to deal with the stresses of the day and to help me emotionally. When I run I feel more alive and it gives the feeling of freedom, I need running for my mental health which if you read my earlier blog posts has been a big issue.
Running has meant I have made some great friends over the last few years. I have had great support from friends such as George and particularly Stuart. They have spent a lot of time making sure I am safe and they are great company. In the last year I have found a running group called the Running Buddies who are based in Bury St Edmunds. I am incredibly grateful for this group. They are incredibly welcoming and they live by the motto "No one gets left behind". They always look after me and make sure I am safe. There have been many times when I know people have had to run slower because of me and it is never a problem to them.
The Running Buddies plus a guest appearance from Stuart
Running means I can tell my stroke that it has not beaten me. I am often told that I have an enormous amount of determination. It is this that gives me the strength to run and to stop my stroke from preventing me from doing something I love.